So I started to type this and got a page in and somehow it wasn't saved ... I had to walk away for a moment to calm down before starting again. I already have a hard enough time putting thoughts into complete sentences … now I have to rethink those thoughts lol.
Since season 2 of 13 Reasons came out I have seen a whole lot of negative posts around on the content of the first season and why a second season was even made or why this kind of show is allowed on TV. I have also seen some of the warning videos from school officials about the show and have mixed feelings on my thoughts about it. Since I don't have a MS or HS student it is hard for me to say yes it is appropriate or no. But I can share my thoughts and reviews on what I thought of the show and how it approaches what some call taboo subjects. I will say if we are approaching sex education at such a young age than we should also be discussing the other things that can affect the lives of our youth
To start ... I am 37. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for 20+ years. During this time I have coped with these in several ways. Self-medicating, self-harming, prescription drugs, counseling, therapists and psychologists. At the moment I am only on medication for my depression as I look into other options for my anxiety. All of that to say ... I have the understanding, the knowledge and also the resources I need but there are still times that the anxiety is just too much or the depression takes over and it is extremely difficult to pull out of it. I can't say I was "lucky" to not struggle with these things in MS or HS but in one way I am. I was an "adult" if you will when I really started to get these feelings of overwhelming sadness and self-loathing. I can remember the first time I had a panic attack in a bar … I had zero clue as to what was happening and the thought of someone barely in their teens having to sort these feelings out is …. ?? At least as that point I have a little bit of an understanding as to what was going on. Our children don't have this, so educating them is the only way they will begin to understand when they have these feelings. I have a nine year-old son with whom I am extremely open with on just about everything. We have age appropriate talks on bullying, appropriate / inappropriate touch and how to better understand the way we are feeling and what it might mean. We have dealt with anger and anxiety and how to cope with these feelings when they come up. I see him struggle to sort them out and I know it is hard.
I have seen both seasons of 13 Reasons and my over all opinion is it portrayed almost all taboo subjects that youth face and put it right in front of you. There are several other TV series where you might find some of the issues that are portrayed but you rarely see the honest truth in front of you. When watching both of the seasons you do have to remember this is still a fictional drama-documentary series. It is not based on a true story. Even if it isn't based on a true story the issues discussed are true, they happen, they are real and sometimes very ugly. Being so bold with these issues is how you can gain attention, gain traction and get people talking. Mental illness, suicide, rape, gun violence ... all of these things are happening whether we want them to or not. All we can do is make sure we are as knowledgeable as we can be and be aware of those in our inner circles so we might be able to see the struggle for help.
Suicide - I have heard a lot of people say this show glorifies suicide ... makes suicide an option. The show didn't make it an option it sadly already is an option in the minds of many. I do think the second season did a better job at showing the ugly side of what killing yourself leaves behind possibly better than the first. It shows the realness of the anger and deep sadness and wondering and blaming. The actual act of suicide is shown in both seasons (season 2 replays it). When I first saw it in season 1 I have to say it was a shock, it was disturbing, but not in the sense of the blood or the act itself but in the realness of her feelings and desperation of how she felt. No one can truly know the thoughts and feelings of another and no one person who suffers from depression and react in the exact same way. Should she have reached out for help more? Maybe. Did she feel like she could have? Probably not. I will say in season 2 there are a lot of truths that are revealed that probably played a larger role in why she didn't go to certain people for help. Her dad was having an affair and she saw it. This makes reaching out to a parent difficult when the trust is no longer there. The counselor she reached out to, I felt, was really leading her in the questioning but perhaps that was to try and get her to talk. Admitting you have a problem and then admitting you need help is the hardest thing for some people. You think it shows a sign of weakness or inability when in fact it shows true strength. Do we think those in MS or HS have developed their brains enough to truly understand all of this? Hell I can't at times. Bottom line - suicide happens. Children need to feel they can be open without judgment or reaction. Talking and educating is the only way to make sure someone knows there are always more reasons why not.
Rape - This was again shown in all its ugliness in both seasons, perhaps more so in the second season. Even when it appeared as a couple having sex it was forced or unwanted on one part but the feeling of obligation was there. This is happening. It can happen at any age. No one person is shielded from this over another. No one person is more likely to have this occur over another. Making sure we raise our children with respect and to have respect for others and their space is a way to start the education. The show also shows the trial that was a direct result of girls coming forward and naming their rapist. The show plays the attacker as the rich, athletic kid with the top of the line legal team. He is released to his parents ... who mind you left him alone for days, weeks on end, let him drink alcohol in HS with them, knew he was sexually active and didn't bother sitting down and having the real conversation. This boy was found guilty and his punishment was 3 months probation and he was allowed to return to his school. There is another boy who is also charged with accessory or something similar. He was homeless, his mom a drug addict that they couldn't reach, he himself was recovering from drug addiction ... he didn't commit the assaults but he knew about it ... he spent the entire trial in jail since he was only 17 and had no guardian. He was sentenced to 6 months probation. I cannot attest to the fact if this really happens to such an extreme but I do know from experience that I served well beyond another person I know for the same offense. My punishment fit my crime and I completed it and moved on. The other person, who got off not once, not twice but three times … continues to repeat the pattern of behavior. You can't learn lessons for others and you can't control their actions ... you are only in control of your reactions.
Bullying - This was the bases of the entire trial against the school in the second season. Hannah's parents felt the school didn't do enough to protect their child from the bullying and then didn't do enough to help her when she attempted to come forward. There is a lot I like about this and some things I don't. Bullying comes in a lot of forms. The show really portrays the different ways this can happen. Bullying can start at any age. I can remember a little girl in Levi's class use to call him "Levy". She taunted him around the room and he would cry and tell her that wasn't his name (I think they were 3 or 4). I noticed the mom there one day while this was going on and she never said a word. Did I think this was going to lead into something huge, of course not. But I did think, "wow, what a great teaching moment". Letting your kids know even at such a young age that it is never ok to laugh at someone at their expense can start conversations early. Making sure they know you don't have to be friends with everyone ... or hell even like everyone ... but you do have to be respectful of them and their opinions, even when it differs from yours. I was never bullied or teased but I was around it for sure in HS. Do I wish I had said something, maybe in some cases. Standing by and watching it happen and not standing up sometimes makes you just as guilty.
Mental Illness - This was touched on in several ways as well --- depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder. Since everyone might present different when diagnosed with any of these there are still some key things to pick up on. In season 2 they have a girl who eventually gets help for bi-polar disorder. You can see her highs and lows through out the interactions she has ... however some of this comes across as moodiness, insecurity possibly just a teen being a teen. It isn't until she finally gets help that she can point out the extent of the disease. Also in season 2 it discusses cutting as a way of release. It is difficult to describe the release you feel when you cut. This is something that only that person can feel and describe. Seeking help for different ways to cope is needed.
Gun Violence - I have mixed feeling on this one. In season 2 they show how a teenager turns to shooting guns as a way to release his anger. I don't shoot often enough and never did as a teen to know if this is truly how some people view guns. 13 Reasons shows the progression of a teen whom is bullied; going from just enduring it to acting out against his attackers. He blackmails others and pulls seemingly harmless pranks at first. This escalates and in the end he goes to the school with an arsenal of guns to shoot it up during a dance. I have no idea if this is a true depiction of how some one can go from one extreme to the other. I do know talking about mental illness and seeking out those that need help might help prevent these shootings. I can't say much about this topic but I do feel it is very relevant in today’s world … sadly.
When all is said and done all of the topics discussed in 13 Reasons happen. They are real. Even if the show depicts it to one far extreme or another it is still relevant. The more open we are with our youth and the more honest we are about it being a problem the further along we will get.
So … reach out to give help or to get help. Stand up for yourself and against the bullying of others. Connect to those around you in the hopes to create a safe and secure community for not only us but for our youth. Get Help Now
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