In life there are a lot of things you can't change. You can't change your gene make up, your dna, your diseases etc. However, you can decide how you are going to approach life with any of these things.
When I was in my 20s I dealt with a lot of things, as many do at that age. I started on depression meds sometime around age 22. Since then I have been on them, off them, changed brands, changed doses, gone to therapy, stopped therapy, switched therapist, the list could go on and on. Along with the depression I have dealt with several other things during this time that made dealing with the depression more difficult at times and easier at other times.
Fast forward, for now, I am 38 and I can say I am in a place where I am truly the happiest I have ever been. I decided to go off the depression meds last spring as I didn't feel they were helping me be the best person I could.
I was not in a good place. I was not giving my son the best mom he could have. I was not happy. I decided to take control of all of that. I made the decision to quit my job. I wasn't happy there. I was finding myself dreading Monday. Dreading getting through the weekend just to start the week over again. This isn't any way to live. I turned in my notice and I felt a huge weight lifted. Next step was myself. I scheduled a breast reduction that I had been wanting for years but have never been able to know I could take that long of a time off work in order to have this surgery. With work over and the surgery scheduled I was ready to start the summer.
Since Levi was 2 weeks old he has been in either day care, school or an after care program from about 7am until between 530-6pm, M-F, including summers. I have always worked in a school setting so I have always been able to spend the christmas break with him, which is nice, but I was a 12 month employee so no summers off. So for 9 years Levi would get up at 6 am and be at school for 9 hours and we would barely have any time at home in the evenings together. Well, this summer all of that changed. My last day at Pace was officially June 24th, however, I only worked 4 days in June. Levi and I had the best summer. He went to a great robotics camp and I was able to go to the final day of camp to watch his presentation. We were able to hang out and hit the pool, travel and really do anything we wanted all summer long. Not having to plan every single week and make sure I was able to get back to the camp in time to get Levi after work and pay for after care or before care ... whew. Exhausting just thinking about it. My family has always been a huge help in the summers taking Levi for a week here and there to help lessen the cost of summer camps for me but this also means several weeks that I didn't see Levi at all. This summer he still spent the week with my sister and a week with my parents but since I was able to spend the rest of the summer with him the breaks were welcomed.
All of this to say, will I have to ever have to take meds for depression again, maybe? Do I have days where I don't want to get up and deal with people, of course. Will there be struggles I have day to day that some other people don't have, sure. For now, I am in a great place. I am happy, Levi is happy and we are living our best life.
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