It's almost like you can sense when I have finally found a little bit of peace and happiness. Almost like we are still somehow so deeply connected that you know just the right time to get inside my head and try and screw it up. That is what you always did best. Sneak in just enough to give yourself a sense of peace but also just enough to screw with my head so I am full of self doubt and spiral back into the dark place you liked to keep me. Back where I never thought I was enough. But in fact ... you are not enough.
I have always been enough. I am an amazing friend, an amazing mother, an amazing partner. When you couldn't rise to met the challenge you pushed your insecurities off on me and made me feel like I was the problem then you disappeared. There are days I still believe these lies. But that is what they are ... lies.
You cannot have access to my life to provide you with peace and comfort in your healing while you have destroyed me and left me to repair my soul. Derailing my healing and striping me of the small happiness I have put in place. Draining me of my energy while failing to provide me with any. I will not let you do this to me again. I am too valuable.
Today is one of those harder days. One of those days you have managed to make me feel less than. One of those days I feel I don't deserve more than the crumbs you were putting out. But this will pass. It is just one of the unfortunate things you must work through when dealing with love.
I refuse to allow you to continue to take up space in my life.
I am worth it .. I am enough.
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