Leaving it in 2025

Coward 

That is the only word. 

You were a coward all week. You couldn’t face me and speak to me so you ignored me. You couldn’t tell me you weren’t man enough to provide me with the safety that every partner deserves. You just went silent. You let me spiral and blame myself and allow me to think it was my fault. You let me think it was my failures for your downfalls. 

You were the one that pursued me from the start. You were the one that asked me out first. You were the one that wanted to be exclusive. You were the one that pursued this. 

Then you were the one that shut down because it got "too real".

You were the one that said it was too much too fast. I was the one that said ok. I backed off. I settled for friendship while you worked on you. I stood by while you dated others. I broke up with others to date you when you finally were ready. Then once again, I backed off when you said we needed to slow down. 

This was all you. 

None of this was me. 

This was you not knowing how to be a partner and only knowing how to show-up for your own needs. This is childish and selfish. I can’t believe the number of nights I have cried over you. There was once when I thought the heartache would all be worth it.  But you were never worth it, never worth my time, my love, my commitment, my loyalty. 

I should never have had to fight so hard for basic decency, basic communication, basic needs. You either loved me enough to be a partner and grow with me and nurture together or you didn’t. 

Your silence the last 3 years should have been a slap in my face to walk away. I stayed because everyone else walked away and turned their back on you. I stayed because abandonment is something no one should feel. I stayed because there were glimmers of the amazing person you could be if you were only willing to put in the work. I stayed because that is all I ever wanted anyone to do for me.  

But after this ~ F*** You!!

Sending me an email after 3.5 years …  that is what you think of me? That is how little you think I deserve?  Your "best friend", the one you love .. an email.  Not the courtesy of a phone call or a conversation.  You waited until I left town and sent me a farewell email like my presence meant nothing in your world. 

I refuse to be breadcrumbed along by a 45 year old man child. I deserved better.  I do deserve more. 

You are in my past and will never be a part of my future.  There is no world in which someone can break my heart, take no accountability, and still expect to come back and be friends.